The Cell Phone Anointing

We have Rick Joyner, of Morning Star Church, to thank for bringing to our attention that there is a cell phone anointing.  Well, okay, he really said it in 2008, but let’s not split hairs.

If you happen to be one of the truly blessed hypercharismatics who managed to get your hands on one of these uber-anointed cell phones, don’t waste any time.  Get out the phone book and call everyone you know!!!  While you’re at it, call all the state and federal prisons, they need a TOUCH!  Don’t forget the mental institutions, those poor souls will be delivered INSTANTLY if you dial their number!

Wait… this gets better… call President Obama, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, or even Vladimir Putin….oh, oh… you could even call up the United Nations… AND WALL STREET… Wall Street nothing… call the Occupy protestors, they really need a touch!

Yeah, this is the same Rick Joyner who supposedly restored Todd Bentley.  Any wonder why I’m not impressed?

Gotta go… I’ve got a hyper-anointed phone bill stuck in my heating vent!

15 thoughts on “The Cell Phone Anointing

  1. Annunk

    I am so embarrassed. I’m at work and just read this.

    I laughed so hard and loud, I had people leaving their desks and showing up at my office door to find out what on earth it was that I thought was so hysterical. It actually wouldn’t have been so bad, but as luck would have it, I had just gotten a mouthful of coffee… We all know where this story goes from there..

  2. Ray

    well , that obviously explains why my kids are on their phones 24/7, the’re just passing on the annointing.

  3. Robin

    Wow. So much easier than calling someone and having a conversation, getting to know them, finding out their needs, ministering love, comfort, or providing some practical assistance. Just send them “fire”.

    Anyway, what is “filre”? What is “touch”? Really, really? Just send it over the phone?

    This is hyper-spiritualism. It assigns spiritual significance to something that is neither spiritual, beneficial, practical nor effective.

  4. Grant

    When you traverse the universe via portals this comes in handy and it won’t effect your minutes because you travel at the speed of light as you are not effected by time or space-
    Just one of the many benefits of the new Horizon wireless plan

  5. Grant

    When you are traveling thru a portal in another galaxy instead of pulling your cell phone out and sending fire like Jason Hooper you could do this like Perry suggests:

  6. Daffydil

    This is just silly! I think it should be called “wasteful worship”. @Grant – thanks dude! My Dad used to sing this song – a happy memory.

  7. Daffydil

    Additional thought – if God really did “send fire through the cell phones now”, that would be a much different video because they would explode! Then they would have holy smoke! (hehehehehe)

  8. Frances marie

    wow what nonsense….we have so much to pray for so many caught up in this false preaching and teaching…..God is patient and perservering for whoever will….

    tongue clickers, cell phones and all the rest


  9. oobiedoobie

    Oh Man! I’m waiting for the EMAIL anointing, or maybe Facebook anointing. Do you think there is an internet porn anointing? What about an xbox live anointing? How about a skype anointing?

  10. Street Preacher

    Oh dear, my King James Bible does not have any mention of a cell phone anointing! I better get a new updated modern version!
    Yeah right. Talk about gullible. Really these christians (if they are christians) need to stop believing everything that their “leaders” spout and start reading their Bibles!
    Speak to some of these people from these “churches” and very quickly you find out how mixed up, screwed up and confused they are in regards to Biblical christianity.
    What ever happened to foundational basic doctrinal teaching of the Christian faith? If Pastors did this with new converts we would see less of these “super apostles” being patronised and appearing everywhere.

  11. Kiwi Dave

    That reminds me of the plot of a short lived sci-fi series “Threshold” about people being transformed via technology though a sound emitted by an alien probe. It was a great yarn and well written which is probably why it got cancelled – too intellegent. Remember we now live in a world of instant gratification! Fast food, instant noodles, reality TV shows – everything carnal and that is supposed to satiisfy the flesh now! That’s what sort of people chase after “cell phone annointings”. They all want a “quick fix” and are looking only for instant gratification – nothing more.

  12. Carolyn

    Funny thing happened on my way here. I passed the Rocky Way Galaxy and entered through the North Star Portal…whistling “catch a falling star” all the way. Couldn’t figure out where it came from but the mystery was solved when I re-entered the Fifth Column annointed cellular directory, filed past the heating ducts and phone bills and wound up at a Perry Como video clip by Grant. I should have known, said I. Just Grant pulling off his subliminal tactics again.

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